A story within a story.
My story- oh dear, a health issue!
I read Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Everyday Mindfulness some years ago, and was regularly recommending ‘mindfulness based stress reduction’ (MBSR) courses, but I had not undertaken a course myself. Kabat-Zinn is often described as the ‘father of secular mindfulness’, taken from Buddhist practice.
Then I developed neuralgic pain affecting my left lower arm, hand, and fingers. And gosh was it painful, with the added trouble of altered sensations in my fingers. I had pins and needles all the time. It affected my rest, yoga practice, and sleep. I had thought my pain tolerance high, but maybe not so much! I became very grumpy, finding it hard to concentrate at times, totally losing my sense of humour; the pain was that insistent.
It was probably brachial nerve inflammation, but I considered and though that I didn’t need to seek medical help; my left lower arm etc. was functioning and I hadn’t lost strength or dexterity but I just didn’t know why this pain had arrived. It was like a very unwelcome house guest like a wasp, that wouldn’t leave.
MBSR- how hard can it be?
So one day after recommending MBSR to someone, I thought I must be congruent and complete a course myself, given this pain was not leaving and I had become a grump-a-lump (as we say chez moi).
And so I began a local MBSR course. The instructor told us the course requires strict commitment, to set aside the time to punctually attend all sessions, to be supportive to others in the group, to undertake the required regular practice and so forth.
And though I was making every attempt including doing the daily practices sessions, I found the course material challenging. I had been undertaking various mediations practices for years- first trying this, then the other, and I consistently practised yoga. How hard could MBSR be? But it was- though I couldn’t understand why!
Others in the group spoke up and confessed the same. One of the group quietly told me that she had previously tried the MBSR course but hadn’t finished it and wanted to “get it right this time”. And as she was struggling again, she wondered if going to visit a Buddhist temple would help.
I thought this was inspired- like tracing the source of a river, only we couldn’t go back in time to the inception of Buddhism. But we could go the nearest practising Buddhist community as a ‘source’. Could that help me get a grasp on mindfulness?
Amaravati- a visit
So off we went, a small band of people struggling with MBSR, to visit the local Amaravati Buddhist Monastery, during an open afternoon one lovely sunny Saturday. After looking around, we were invited to join a ‘workshop’. We entered the large community Hall that was already full. I think there must have been 200 people sitting on the floor. They were ready to participate in a workshop i.e. group meditation and Satsang. (Satsang is is a respectful, gentle Q&A session often held after meditation when the ‘chimp’ brain is calm and we can fully be present in the moment).
A Buddhist Nun in saffron robes and shaven head, came in to lead the meditation. It was one of the best mediations I have ever participated in- I still remember the quality of stillness in me and in the room, during & after the meditation. As the meditation progressed, my awareness of the pain in my left arm/hand receded and by the end I felt it had considerably quietened.
She had said very little, apart from minimal instructions, inviting us to focus gently on our breath as we sat on the floor on this sunny summer afternoon, and ringing a bell to begin & end the meditation.
Then after closing the meditation, the Nun said she would now take questions as part of Satsang.
No-one stirred. Previously, in such situations, I would’ve felt compelled to say something but not this time. I was quiet, calmly breathing in the stillness.
Then someone spoke asking “Why do we meditate?”
Satsang- The Nun’s story
The Nun said it was a good question but she didn’t reply directly – instead she said:
“Before I formally became Buddhist, I worked in the City and I still keep in contact with my friends and colleagues. I visit some of them and recently I visited a friend just retired from his career in the City. After a general chat, I asked him how he was passing the time now he wasn’t working. He said that though he wasn’t working, he was still learning to relax, but his wife was still working, so his focus had become the evening when she came home. They prepared a meal together, ate & cleared up, and then he would sit with her, and she would tell him all about her day. He would be closely listening as she described her day, her thoughts and experiences and how she was feeling.
He said that when he was working he hadn’t felt he had the time or energy to give her such attention. Now he could be present, devoting time to her, and it was a delight to hear all about her, and it had become part of their relationship”.
The Nun paused then replied to the question:
“We can’t all have someone who can listen to us every day, with close attention or devotion, as we speak of ourselves and experiences.
But we can be with ourselves and listen to ourselves.
And that is the purpose of meditation.
Dedicated time to be with ourselves, listening to our inner thoughts, becoming aware of self.”
She then went on to describe how meditation can be undertaken whilst walking or doing household tasks, with intent and deliberation.
My Story
The Nun’s story gave me an instant moment of clarity. That workshop was a huge reminder, for me. I realised I had lost my way, in my spiritual practice- I had stopped being with my body, stopped paying attention, stopped being in the moment, perhaps due to the pain itself?
I hope I have been able to illustrate that the afternoon remains with me- the quality of the stillness, the calm, the understanding that the practice of meditation, or similar, is about being present to the moment- time to be with oneself- and one’s body!
After that afternoon, I was able to undertake the MBSR practice with greater ease, completing the course as we all did. My left arm/hand gradually pain subsided & then fully resolved and now, I only have very faint echoes of altered sensations in my fingers.
For us- so why do we meditate?
To me all practices of relaxation, mindfulness and meditation have come to mean this:
Devoted time to connect with our body, with self, and be present in the moment. This inspires intimacy with our inner world, and we come to know ourselves in a different way.
Of course for some it will be a more formal practice, an act of religious devotion or part of a deeper spiritual practice.
But we don’t need to sit in a lotus position. We can be doing household tasks, playing football/hockey, running, gardening, walking or lying down just before going to sleep (my very favourite).
it’s all part of learning how to be a body, about connection with self. One gateway is the breathe.
And there are other techniques which we will gradually explore, in the coming blogs.
I invite you to listen to the short relaxation I’ve recorded- do try it. I welcome your feedback.
Namaste.
© 2022 Jyoti Patel