This question can elegantly connect us with what is meaningful in our life, and help determine quality and meaning of our life experiences. Therefore this question it helps to sustain us. This is one of the questions I posed in at a recent presentation to Queen’s Nurses. To me, this question comes from the many inquiries categorised under existentialism.
I really like this question because it can be so practical yet its roots are profound.
Some years ago as a way of galvanising healthcare, the Personal Care Institute (PCI) began a campaign across NHS England encouraging health and medical professionals to ask their patients & service-users the question ‘what matters to you’ (as well as ‘what’s the matter with you’).
This question helps service users and professionals identify what is meaningful to the service-users. We listen carefully to the answer, whatever it may be; it is honoured, respected and used as a collaborative approach to provide meaningful health care.
I ask this question of clients whether I am nursing or coaching. It’s powerful because the clients’ answer will help clients to connect with themselves and help them form intention, so much stronger than hope or want.
Its an elegant and surprisingly quick, practical way of eliciting what brings meaning to that person’s life.
This question can help bring focus to what is meaningful in the present & immediate, or for all/any areas of self-care or for longer term goals and everything in between.
And so, as part of their coaching journey, I encourage clients to ask this question for themselves. To ask themselves “What matters to me?” (for now or today or next week etc.).
The answer may be a surprisingly small self-care action e.g. “I want to get a lunch break so that I’m not a hungry/angry wreck by the time I have to run that 3pm meeting”.
But be warned: our self-critic (so vicious and mean) can trivialise our answers. Instead, make sure to acknowledge honour & respect the answer. And then consider how to make room for you, for that self-care action, for what matters.
I invite you to ask yourselves: What matters to me?
© 2022 Jyoti Patel